


Not Gonna Be Normal

by womanaction



Category: Parks and Recreation
Genre: F/M, hello yes on my rewatch i discovered that i am haverkins trash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-07
Updated: 2015-11-07
Packaged: 2018-04-30 12:39:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,511
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5164172
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/womanaction/pseuds/womanaction
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ann, Tom, and an unusual situation. Alternate take on "Operation Ann".</p>
            </blockquote>





	Not Gonna Be Normal

**Author's Note:**

> This story takes place as if most of "Operation Ann" happened, but Leslie never saw them together, Tom didn't (as he says later) text everyone about the date, and the ending is a little different. P.S. I am trash.

She knew immediately it wasn't her bed.

There were several things that tipped her off. Wherever she was smelled pleasant, but not like her house. Her house smelled like those "Harvest Apple & Cinnamon" candles that she'd mentioned like once to Leslie and had then received 5 dozen of for some small made-up holiday, so she lit them all the time because they did smell really nice and it wasn't like she was going to run out of them anytime soon, right? This place definitely smelled like the lives of a more than a few scented candles had been lost there, but it was less of a warm autumn smell than it was sort of a sharp floral. It was also a good five degrees warmer than her house ever seemed to get, although somehow she wasn't in a rush to throw off the heavy blankets covering her body. Most damningly, though, was the fact that the sheets in the bed were super comfy. They were pretty much the most comfortable thing she'd ever felt, which was probably why she was less panicky and more blasé about the whole thing. Yeah, Ann was in no hurry to get up.

She shifted slightly and began to roll over. She could be here all day—

Oh.

She wasn't alone.

Well, she probably could have figured that out, right? It wasn't like she made a habit of going to empty houses and sleeping in their beds while the owners were away. Had she hooked up with someone? She still seemed to be fully clothed, so probably not, unless they were like that weird guy she'd gone out who…well, actually, she wasn't going to think of that guy right now. But whose bed would she be sleeping in if she hadn't had a one night stand?

She closed her eyes and tried to remember.

Okay, no, she was going to fall asleep. She opened her eyes and concentrated.

Yesterday…had been Valentine's Day. Leslie had tried to set her up with random dudes, and it hadn't gone well. Then April…

"Oh, god," she said, not even realizing she was speaking aloud. Ann sat up and began shaking the body next to her.

"Oww, hey! What the hell, Ann?" Tom said irritably, rolling over to face her but not sitting up. She glared.

"'What the hell, Ann?' You're what-the-helling  _me_? If anybody should be saying that, it's me, so I'm going to say it. What the hell?!"

"Cupcake, I appreciate dominance and hostility in a woman, but I think you're taking it a little too far." He was obviously trying to keep up a cool exterior. It was not succeeding. He sat up. "Look, I don't know why you're so pissed off. Nothing happened, which you should remember, because you weren't even drunk or anything!"

Oh. Yeah. There was that absence of a pounding headache. She closed her eyes again (it was probably safe, now that she was sitting up). So April had said that thing, and she'd been…not drunk, but sad and lonely enough to go for it. She'd met Tom at the bar, they had a drink. Then he had invited her back to his place, and she'd said no, obviously.

So then how…?

* * *

For whatever reason, she'd stayed longer. A lot longer. Improbably, April was right and she was having fun.

She'd said, "I had a good time, but I think I need to go live out the cliché. Maybe I can cry into my chocolate ice cream while I watch _Valentine's Day_ , since I don't have to work tomorrow. Wait, I don't have any ice cream. You think anywhere is still open?"

"I've got triple chocolate at my place. And the extended Blu-Ray edition of  _Valentine's Day_ , guaranteed to be twice as much of an emotional roller coaster," he'd said back.

"Are you kidding me?"

"And…you wouldn't have to be alone."

"Tom, if you think that I'm going to go home with you just because I'm lonely and sad and everything in my life sucks right now—"

Maybe  _he_ had been a little drunk, because he'd sounded totally sincere, with the layers of bravado stripped away. "I'm not expecting anything. I just thought maybe it would help to have someone else with you. Come on, Ann, you know more than anybody that I don't have those kinds of moves. I strike out all the time, and even when a girl likes me I don't know why so I end up screwing it up."

She had no idea what had made her ask the next question. "So you don't keep triple chocolate ice cream on hand just to 'comfort' vulnerable women?"

"Nah, I just really like it.  _Valentine's Day_ , on the other hand…"

"What?"

"Well, I bought it for a girl. Then I found out that it's actually a super dope movie and I watched it like twenty times the next day when I met her boyfriend."

"…okay."

"Okay?!"

"Okay."

* * *

They sat in a weird silence for a little while. Ann resolutely tried not to remember the part where she'd agreed to platonically spend the night, because honestly, this whole night/day/year was just a little too much for her.

"The extended edition was even better," she offered finally.

He lit up. "I know, right? So…does this mean you're not gonna murder me and make it look like an accident? I'm assuming nurses know how to do that."

And damn her, she smiled. She might have even giggled a little. "I'm not going to murder you."

"So you do know how? That's both scary  _and_ sexy."

"Tom," she said warningly.

Her phone rang, and without a second thought, she answered it. Before she could even say a word, Leslie's panicked voice came through the speaker. She had obviously been talking even before Ann had picked up.

"-Ann? Because-"

"Yeah, hey, it's me," Ann replied at the same time Leslie said, "she's missing and I don't know what to do, Tom!"

Leslie was a way faster talker than she was and also  _oh no she'd answered Tom's phone!_

"Wait, Ann? Why do you have Tom's phone?"

"Uh…all of these guys were bothering me at the Valentine's thing last night, so we switched phones so I didn't have to deal with them," she lied quickly.

"Oh, okay. So you're safe? You're okay? You're at home?"

"Yes, yes, and no." She prayed to the deity of Overprotective Best Friends that Leslie did not ask where she was.

"Where are you? Are you at someone's house? Did you meet someone? Is he wonderful? Or is he terrible, do I need to come get you?"

"I—"

"Oh, or is it a woman? I've always said you are too beautiful for men to really appreciate you. I will totally accept your relationship and – oh! The wedding would be so beautiful! You could have matching gowns and—"

"Leslie, I'm fine, I'm straight, and I'm still single. Okay?"

"Okay."

"I'm just taking care of something right now."

"Okay, well, call me when you get home! Post-Valentine's-Day best friend bonding should have already started an hour ago, I got a ton of discount candy and the best anti-love movies."

"Alright, I'll call you."

"I love you!"

"Love you too," Ann mumbled, and hung up.

She didn't look at him. "I should probably go."

"Yeah, Leslie sounded intense."

"Yeah."

"I mean, more intense than usual. Kinda cray-cray."

"Yep."

She looked at him, and maybe she was some kind on some kind of chocolate hangover, because on impulse, she leaned forward a little bit. She couldn't seem to decide whether to go for lips or cheek, so she just kind of ended up pecking the corner of his mouth and immediately withdrawing. "Okay, bye," she said quickly and began to put her shoes on.

Plus-side of odd, mostly-platonic cuddle night as opposed to one night stand? No need to gather clothes.

Minus-side? Absolutely no guidelines for how to proceed with normal interactions.

She stood up, still not looking back at his face (which probably had some stupid, way-too-excited expression on it anyway).

"Ann?"

Oh, Tom had stood up too, and was suddenly really close to her. Great.

"Would it be weird if I kissed you?" he asked breathily.

"Yeah."

He hung his head a little, but, amazingly, didn't say anything.

"Seriously, that's it?" Ann asked in spite of herself.

"What?"

"You're not going to ask if you can kiss me or if I want you to kiss me or whatever, just if it would be weird? Breaking news, yeah, it would be weird. Obviously."

"So you  _do_ want me to kiss you?"

"I…didn't say that, but…I guess."

So they kissed, and it was weird, but strangely not awful. Not even a little bit. She may have even experienced slight tingling before she pulled away.

"Okay, I'm gonna leave now."

"Bye," he said weakly.

"Yeah."

When she got into her car, some stupid 90s R&B song was playing.

She didn't have the heart to change the station.


End file.
